I let the weirdest things affect (effect? still cant figure out the difference hah) my mood.

like Sunday.. was a great day with potential new boy (mind you we’ve discussed already our status as ‘having potential’ but nothing official right now which is a very reasonable and explanable place for us but thats a long story)

now i know he is INSANELY busy with work this week….

and we haven’t talked in 3 days

and his response was just sort of ‘eh’ and its like…. 

I know he’s busy.

i know he’s stressed

i KNOW he likes me (even if he doesnt know what to do with it quite yet)

why am i letting this effect me?? 

i at least have the knowledge enough to not be crazy about it and just ride it out…. but its driving me bananas

alonehereinmyicecoffin:

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all the times I didn’t want to take a nap when I was younger.

4. There is a great…

i mean hello this is North Carolina, by definition in the south aren’t we ‘redneck’ and therefore this should be easy!

bah

When you kiss my neck. I’m done for

Mmm

But I’ve decided: these are the things I want

To be a good runner
To have confidence in my body
And maybe a thigh gap (not for aesthetics but because it ruins good pants all that rubbing)

I love eating. I love eating foods that probably aren’t good for me

Which is not to say I don’t love healthy food but I’ve realized I have no desire to give up a lot of what I feel I “need to” to lose weight
And now losing weight isn’t my goal. It would be NICE but I need to focus on learning to love my body as it is now
Because I wont love it smaller if I don’t love it now.

So I’m starting to do things, at home, naked. Like my hair and makeup mostly. But it’s a time where I’m glued to the mirror and I’m forced to see myself and see maybe what others see (okay no one has really seen me naked but you get my point)

I want to have sex, and be in a healthy sexual relationship. If I hate myself naked what fun will it be?

So I’m working on my running, and loving myself. Yes a clean diet will help all of that but I am not focusing on that right now. I’m still battling the fine line of restriction and it’s not working well

but seriously…. just because i live with my sister does not mean i know what shes doing all the time and i dont really feel like inconveincing myself to see if shes home.. 

and if shes responding to your texts than why dont you ask her???

not sure why i am involved in this…

you go and confuse me more. 

apparently NON long distance relationships are hard and full of ambiguousness… 

coool

i’d say he’s worth it. except for the fact that if he isnt interested it isnt. 

le sigh. one of these days i’ll figure it out

for Habitat for Humanity!

first build is this wednesday!! :)

So I walked and ran a combined total of 9 Ish miles yesterday

This boy was a bit drill sargeanty on my but it totally worked. And I’m so sore today but I did so well or rather
I actually did it! He said we ran roughly 3 miles. In 1.5 mile stints.

And then we walked to dinner. If I want to be prepared for a half marathon… Ever. He’s the guy to train me
He thinks I could probably finish a half in 3 hours and a full in 6

Which beats me saying I didn’t think I could finish either (In the allotted time anyway)
Now if I could just get him to tell me if he likes me….

I’m terrified.

Because… I can’t run that long.
Well actually if I ran the whole thing at a consistent pace it would be like 45 minutes to an hour
But trust me I can’t physically run that long because I can’t even properly do a 5k…

This wouldn’t bother if I wasn’t trying to impress this boy..